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• I came here To shit and stink, But all I do Is sit and think.
• Here I sit What a caper I have to shit But I'm out of pape
• Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink, But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bullshit on the walls.
  .....
• Here I sit, I'm at a loss trying to shit out taco sauce.
  When it comes, I hope and pray, I don't blow my ass away....
• One day a lady was inside of an elevator and she had to fart really bad.
  She thought to herself, 'What am I going to do if someone comes in and smells it....
• Taoism = Shit Happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit.
  Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit Happens" Buddhism = If shit happens, it is not really shit....
• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
• Famous Last Words 15> "C'mon ya wimps, one more beer, it's open ocean out there, what're we gonna hit?
  Captain Hazelwood, Exxon Valdez 14> "Responding to the liberal media's biased coverage, these fine young members of the Republican House Caucus are standing behind me to show their full support for my continued Speakership....
• You're lucky You had your chance I tried to fart, And shit my pants!