10. Goodbye, crack dens -- hello, luxury crack suites!
9. Have Mayor Giuliani change his last name to "McCheese."
8. Replace jarring ambulance sirens with recording of "Mmmbop."
7. Instead of cabs, giant winged monkeys that carry you by your
suspenders.
6. Attach outboard motor to Manhattan island and drive the joker
to the Bahamas.
5. For first time in 30 years, start enforcing "no homicide" rule. *
4. No throwing up in subway unless you're in a specially designated
"vomiting seat."
3. All criminal cases decided by that delightful Judge Judy.
2. Hookers who "just want to cuddle."
1. Change name to "New and Improved York."
