Ten Ways I, David Letterman, Am Spending The Holidays
10. Visiting Robert Downey Jr. with a carton of Christmas
cigarettes.
9. Chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my
head.
8. Going to KFC for a tasty bucket of deep-fried elf parts.
7. Hosting my special, Seņor Dave's Old-Fashioned Mexican Christmas.
6. Learning to snowboard on the slopes of Al Roker.
5. Dropping by Times Square strip club for some "figgy pudding
wrestling."
4. Keeping a careful log of when each needle drops off the tree.
3. Helping myself to some delicious eggnog.
2. Going to Tijuana for more plastic surgery.
1. Putting little Santa hats on my kitties.
MERCURY COMMUNICATIONS GROUP, INC.
10. Visiting Robert Downey Jr. with a carton of Christmas
cigarettes.
9. Chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my
head.
8. Going to KFC for a tasty bucket of deep-fried elf parts.
7. Hosting my special, Seņor Dave's Old-Fashioned Mexican Christmas.
6. Learning to snowboard on the slopes of Al Roker.
5. Dropping by Times Square strip club for some "figgy pudding
wrestling."
4. Keeping a careful log of when each needle drops off the tree.
3. Helping myself to some delicious eggnog.
2. Going to Tijuana for more plastic surgery.
1. Putting little Santa hats on my kitties.
MERCURY COMMUNICATIONS GROUP, INC.
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Stood outside today show with sign reading, "Bubba loves Katie" 8.... - Top Ten Dave Letterman's Summer Plans
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Catch every Lollapalooza show on the Eastern seaboard 8.... - Elf Pet Peeves
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Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA
90245
November 7, 1997
Santa Claus
North Pole,
Dear Santa
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!...
