Reasons You Didn't Win Wimbledon 16> Never Recovered Emotionally After The Queen Mother Goosed You.

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Reasons You Didn't Win Wimbledon

16> Never recovered emotionally after the queen mother goosed you.

15> Forgot your hormone injections in your other purse.

14> Besides your score, only thing with that many zeros is Bud
Collins' bar tab.

13> Given your lactose intolerance, carbo-loading on strawberries
and cream wasn't such a good idea.

12> Couldn't quite get close enough to employ your "Tyson strategy."

11> Although you paid $24,000 for it, you couldn't help tripping
on the dress Princess Diana wore when she met the Dalai Lama.

10> Even the guy who announces, "Quiet Please," couldn't contain
his laughter after watching you serve.

9> Racket strung not with not "cat gut," but with entire cat.

8> Ball boys secretly replaced with soccer hooligans.

7> Pounding shooters at the local pub wasn't what your coach meant
when he said you needed to "practice your slam."

6> Too busy reassuring your new wife that she is, in fact, "Must
See TV" and not a no-talent has-been.

5> Your best game on grass? Scrounging change out of the couch
before the pizza guy arrives.

4> Distracted by Prince Charles-led wave reflecting off Agassi's
head.

3> New endorsement deal with Glenlivet required you to cradle a
tumbler of scotch throughout the match.

2> The only time you've ever served an Ace was when you slapped
a restraining order on Kiss.


and the Number 1 Reason You Didn't Win Wimbledon...


1> British just too stuffy to accept your modern "Butt-Cheek
Racquet Grip."


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