Related:

• Hi, you have reached .... Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call".
• Use a strong east Indian accent) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of (.
  ..). I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you whenthe stars align properly....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• with a kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra" in the background.
  ..] "Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached....
• You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition.
  You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded....
• HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY ** At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
  See if they slow down. ** Page yourself over the intercom....
• Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
  If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you....
• In the background can be heard Gregorian Chant or some other church music &l
  In a soft voice> Good Day My child, you have reached {name} dial a confession....
• Theme from "Indiana Jones" in the background.] You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
  We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator....