You Know You're A Redneck When...... Your Grandmother Says, "Come Here And Look At This Before I Flush It!

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• There's this guy in a bar that's saying he knows everybody, and will bet anybody on it.
  So this guy walks up and says, "I bet you don't know Burt Rynolds....
• You know you're a redneck when people see your porch and think you're having a yard sale.
• You know you're a Redneck if. You call your father 'Uncle Dad'.
• Why? How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
  Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?...
• The Engineer... An engineer dies and goes to heaven.
  St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "What! An Engineer!...
• THE SHIT LIST Ghost Shit -- You know you've shit.
  There's shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet....
• You know you're on the phone with a redneck when he says.
  .. "Hold on a second, I'll get my computer guy... HEY, BUBBA!...
• You know you're a redneck if your car window is a Hefty bag.
  You know you're a redneck if Red Man chewing tobacco sent you a Christmas card....
• A man goes to the psychiatrist a nervous wreck. The shrink tells him to sit down and explain his problem.
  He says, "Well, doc, I keep having this dream where I am at this party full of people and I look across the room and there is a beautiful blonde woman and she walks over and our hands touch and instantly we are alone in a room, naked....