THE SHIT LIST Ghost Shit -- You Know You've Shit.

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Ghost Shit -- You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but
there's no shit in the toilet.

Teflon Coated Shit -- Comes out so slick, clean, and easy that you don't even
feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look for
the shit in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Gooey Shit -- This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times
and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
you underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid
marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit -- You're all done wiping you ass and you're about to stand
up when you realize've got to shit more.

Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit -- This is the kind of shit that killed Elvis.
It just doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling,
and purple from straining so hard.

Richard Simmons Shit -- You shit so much, you lose 10 pounds.

Right Now Shit -- You better be within 30 seconds a toilet. Usually it has
it's head out before you get your pants down.

Green Shit -- Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit -- This shit is so big that you know it won't
go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat
hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's

Cork Shit -- (Also known as Floaters) Even after the third flush, it's still
floating in there. My God! How do I get rid of it?! This shit also
usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit -- This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
that gets your ass all wet.

Wish Shit -- You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.

Cement Block Shit or Oh God! Shit -- You wish you'd gotten a spinal block
before you shit.

Snake Shit -- This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb
and at least 3 feet long.

Mexican Food Shit -- (Also Called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat
again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit -- This happens the day after the night before. Normally your
shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD! Usually there's
someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom. This kind of
shit also usually happens at someone else's house.