Air Farce

Here are some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:

• Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
  Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
• Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
  Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
• Problem: "No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
  Solution: "No. 2 Propeller seepage normal."
  Solution: "No. 1, No. 3, and No. 4 Propellers lack normal seepage."
• Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
  Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
• Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
  Solution: "Evidence removed."
• Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
  Solution: "Live bugs on order."
• Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
  Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
• Problem: "IFF inoperative."
  Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
• Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
  Solution: "That's what they're there for."
• Problem: "Number three engine missing."
  Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."