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• I had the greatest gift of all. A little girl who could pick football.
  -- Homer, "Lisa the Greek...
• This sucks. Come on, snipers, where are you!
  -- Bart watches a feeble football halftime show, "Lisa the Greek...
• At the end of thirteen seconds of play, it's New England seven, Denver nothing.
  -- The football report, "Lisa the Greek...
• Lisa flips through the card catalog] Let's see... Football.
  .. Football... `Homoeroticism in'... `Oddball Canadian rules'....
• Money comes and money goes, but what I have with my daughter can go on for eight more years!
  -- Homer, "Lisa the Greek...
• Lisa: Can I watch football with you again next Sunday?
  Homer: Sure! You'll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church....
• Football player: [being interviewed] This team is fired up.
  We came here to play! Homer: Aw right! [picks up the phone to place his bet] Lisa...
• Marge: Homer, those were very thoughtful presents, but you have to tell me where you got the money from.
  Homer: All right, Marge, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise you will not get mad....
• And now, with his picks for today's games, the man who's right 52% of the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo!
  -- Brent Gunsilman hosts a football pre-game show, "Lisa the Greek...