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• So, with three ticks left on the clock, it all comes down to this one play.
  If Washington scores here, happy fans will be looting and turning over cars in nation's capital tonight!...
• What could be more exciting that the savage ballet that is pro football?
  -- Lisa, "Lisa the Greek...
• I had the greatest gift of all. A little girl who could pick football.
  -- Homer, "Lisa the Greek...
• This sucks. Come on, snipers, where are you!
  -- Bart watches a feeble football halftime show, "Lisa the Greek...
• Lisa flips through the card catalog] Let's see... Football.
  .. Football... `Homoeroticism in'... `Oddball Canadian rules'....
• Football player: [being interviewed] This team is fired up.
  We came here to play! Homer: Aw right! [picks up the phone to place his bet] Lisa...
• Lisa: Can I watch football with you again next Sunday?
  Homer: Sure! You'll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church....
• Brent: It is the playoffs. It's five below, and there's one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string, and the team colors painted on his body!
  [camera shows the fan in question, shivering, teeth chattering] Johnny...
• Homer: Oh, violin guy! [strolling violinist approaches] [tucks some money in the violinist's pocket] [to Lisa] What's your favorite song?
  Lisa: The Broken Neck Blues. Homer: [to violinist] Play on....