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• Is it a masterpiece or just some guy with his pants down?
  That's our topic tonight on Smartline......
• Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of `Smartline'.
  Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, "No, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?...
• Itchy: Look, Scratchy, it's our new friend, Poochie.
  Scratchy: What's that name again? I forgot....
• Far be it from me to gloat at another's downfall, but I have a feeling that no children are gonna be crying when _this_ puppy is put to sleep.
  [laughs] -- Kent Brockman's `My Two Cents', "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show...
• Bart: Who would have thought that our visit to Itchy and Scratchy Land would turn out to be our best vacation ever?
  Lisa: Yeah, best ever! Marge: Are you two bonkers?...
• Kent: For another opinion... Krusty: [laughs] Hi, kids!
  [laughs] Kent: Krusty, please. We're giving you the opportunity to participate in a serious discussion, here....
• Myers: Take a letter, Miss White. Dear valued viewer, thank you for taking an interest in the Itchy and Scratchy program.
  Enclosed is a personally autographed photo of America's favorite cat and mouse team to add to your collection....
• Dear purveyors of senseless violence: I know this may sound silly at first, but I believe that the cartoons you show to our children are influencing their behavior in a negative way.
  Please try to tone down the psychotic violence in your otherwise fine programming....
• Kent: And, like Icarus, the rocket foolishly soared too high, and lost control of its servo guidance mechanism, leaving us with some.
  ..[checks watch] six hours to live. So, let's go live now to the charred remains of the only bridge out of town with Arnie Pie and Arnie in the Sky!...