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Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks....
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment.
They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish...
Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec.
Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure....
Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never afraid to break your face.
Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
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