Miscellaneous Collections

Miscellaneous Collections

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Instead of all of this energy and effort directed at the war to end drugs, how about a little attention to drugs which will end war?
-- Albert Hofma...
Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?
Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS?
It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
Instead of crying over spilt milk go milk another cow.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything?
If it works as good as the Prohibition one d...
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better. -- Edgar W. Howe
Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone?
That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national forests....

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