Related:

• I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling.
  It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood....
• I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex.
  He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you....
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?
  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway...
• Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way.
  Cars, too! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they've caused?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man" is behind this.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...