Related:

• Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell.
  (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time....
• You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
  -- Answering machine madness - odd organizatio...
• You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call.
  (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers....
• Demented, screechy voice; occasional background scream
  ) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic....
• Sultry female voice:) Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of Delights.
  We would be delighted if you would leave your name, number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong way....
• Thank you for calling Robert's House of Love. All of our customer service representatives are, er.
  .. busy servicing customers, so at the sound of the erotic tone, leave your name, number, and a short description of whatever turns you on....
• French monologue in the background:) Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language.
  But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime....
• Annoying flute music in background:) Good day, Jim.
  Your contact, Linda, is not available right now....
• You have reached the Des Moines chapter of the Iowa Procrastination Society.
  Please leave a message after the tone and we'll get around to it....