Related:

• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• Hello. All of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible.
  Thank you and have a pleasant day. (This can dissuade prank and sales callers who don't know it's really a private line....
• Computer generated voices:) 1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
  2: Yeah, nobody but us machines! 1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up!...
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the United States War Department.
  At the tone, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message with the name of the country you wish to invade....
• Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.
  If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
  If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone....
• Thank you for calling Robert's House of Love. All of our customer service representatives are, er.
  .. busy servicing customers, so at the sound of the erotic tone, leave your name, number, and a short description of whatever turns you on....
• Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister.
  You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim....