Related:

• Flood's bad when your basement develops barnacles.
• Flood's bad when you dial 911 and the U.S. Coast Guard answers.
• Flood's bad when your antenna serves as a channel marker.
• Flood's bad when you catch a 12 pound bass in your upstairs bedroom.
• Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
  -- Zippy the Pinhead...
• Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
  -- Zippy the Pinhead...
• Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
  Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln? Homer: He sold poison milk to school children....
• A major illness is one that keeps you from work when the kids are out of school.
• Lisa: [gasps] Ashley Grant! You gave a talk on women's issues at my school on how we don't have to be second-class citizens.
  Bart: [indignant] Mom! How can you leave us with this maniac?...