Related:

• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
  I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary.
  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad....
• MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me.
  I remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and drive and drive....
• I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
• IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• SOMETIMES THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle.
  Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears me because I am beautiful....
• MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.
  "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• ONE THING KIDS LIKE is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to a burned-out warehouse.
  Oh, oh," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke....