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• The shower is the greatest invention. I don't like to take a bath.
  I don't like to wash my face in the water I've been sitting in. -- Lewis Grizzard...
• Never eat any place where they mark the rest-room doors in any fashion but "Men" and "Women" or "Ladies" and "Gentlemen.
  Especially do not eat in a restaurant that specializes in seafood and marks its rest-room doors "Buoys" and "Gulls," because they have been too busy thinking up cutesy names for the rest-room doors to really pay attention to the food....
• You Threw Up on the Carpet of My Love. -- Lewis Grizzard
• Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
  -- Lewis Grizzard...
• Never tell a woman she doesn't look good in some article of clothing she has just purchased.
  -- Lewis Grizzard...
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be About A Quart Low -- Book title by Lewis Grizzard
• They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat -- Book title by Lewis Grizzard
• Women are a sex by themselves. -- Beerbohm.
• I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
  -- Lewis Grizzard...