Related:

• I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend.
  .. if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...
• ound of Bobby McFerrin song finishing] Marty: That was Bobby McFerrin's new one, "I'm Worried (Need Money)".
  If you want tickets to the big Pigskin Classic [oinking noise] just get to a phone and be our thirteenth caller....
• I have two tickets on the Titanic. -- Famous Last Word
• Once at a dinner party when he was a young man, Winston Churchill, who at the time had a moustache, was seated next to an older woman.
  She said to him, "Young man, I care neither for your politics nor for your moustache....
• Kent: Tonight, on "Eye on Springfield": just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill.
  The government calls it the "army", but a more alarmist name would be -- "The Killbot Factory....
• I was hitchhiking the other day and this car trailer pulled up and offered me a ride.
  He said that there was no room in the cab, but I could climb into one of the cars in the back....
• As the ticket inspector on the train approached, Edward Nye told his friend, the poet James Whitcomb Riley, to get under the seat as he only had one ticket.
  Riley was reluctant to follow his friend's request but eventually did so to avoid any trouble....
• The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing.
  The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled....