Related:

• The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys.
  I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• My uncle got a job driving a cab. He had the cab parked right in front of Grand Central Station, and an Episcopal bishop got into my uncle's cab.
  He said, "Take me to Christ Church." So my uncle took him up to St....
• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• Ned: We did it! We got rid of -- [siren wail
  Ned is pulled over] Ned: I told you, officer, I'm not "hepped up on Goofballs....
• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....
• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....