Related:

• All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
  The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store....
• I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious!
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• The other day, I was walking my dog around my building.
  .. on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights....
• I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Honeymoon night was hot. She was moaning all night in ecstasy.
  Opening gifts: "An orange squeezer! Oh my God! A waffle maker!...
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
  -- Shirley Temple...