Related:

• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause, man, they're gone.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil.
  How innocent you are, little blacksmith. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world?
  You're holding it in your hand." And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts....
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...