You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime,

You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime,
to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

Related:

• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
• During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner." -
  Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
• If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play,
  just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for...
• When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all,
  I think a good way to get out of it is just to say...
• A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle,
  make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's...
• If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause,
  man, they're gone. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack...
• If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil.
  How innocent you are, little blacksmith. -- Deep Thoughts...
• I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist,
  "You know what will save the world? You're holding...
• I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
  Deep Thoughts, by Jack...