Related:

• Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never even had the decency to thank her.
  -- R.B. Gossling...
• A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the courtesy to thank her.
• I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink.
  That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. -- W. C. Field...
• I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W. C. Field
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. -- W. C. Field
• Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
  -- W. C. Field...
• My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....