Related:

• I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W.C. Field
• Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. -- W. C. Field
• Who stole the cork from my breakfast? -- W. C. Field
• Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!" -- W. C. Field
• My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
  -- W. C. Field...
• You can't cheat an honest man, never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
  -- W. C. Field...
• My only books Were woman's looks,-- And folly 's all they 've taught me.
  -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852) -- The Time I 've lost in wooing...