Related:

• My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell till I married her. -- Hal Roach
• They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
  That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money....
• I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
  -- Lewis Grizzard...
• I was acquainted with a young lady who divorced a guy named Wong.
  Her maiden name was Reilly Watts. Her married name became "Reilly? Watt's Wong?...
• A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung.
  Dov was annoyed at Debby's indifference to what he felt was a poor job....
• I was married once - in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years.
  The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate....
• You_ are one fine looking woman, lady. If I wasn't married, I'd go out with you like _that_!
  [hits his bottle on the bar; beer bubbles and spills out the bottle] I am _so_ sorry!...
• The crowd went crazy as Tommy hit the stage. Little Sally got lost as the police bossed the crowd back in a rage.
  ... Sixteen stitches put her right and her dad said, 'Don't say I didn't warn ya!...