Related:

• 8) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.
  I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone...
• I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. -- Paula Poundstone
• Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
  Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ....
• I always wondered what great scientists talked about when they got together.
  Can you imagine Dr. Fahrenheit and Dr. Celsius talking, and Dr....
• Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable?
  I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep ....
• Marge: Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now, and I don't know what's going to happen.
  But just remember both your Mom and your Dad love you very, very much....
• Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case.
  Now what?" --William Saroyan, writer, 1908-1981...
• An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed).
  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage....
• Marge: My, she seems too good to be true. Homer: I'll say.
  Her butt waxed the banister. Marge: Ooh, I can see myself!...