Related:

• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
• Krusty: I won't be coming back, kids. I got a sweet life here.
  The sea air is cleaning my lungs. The sun is toasting my pale skin a healthy brown, and most important, I learned that I don't need money to be happy....
• Where's the toilet paper? I have to take a Limbaugh.
• I have a terrible headache, I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
• Lisa: Look, we got a package from the Mr. Sparkle company in Japan.
  Homer: Ooh! [opens package, but only Styrofoam packing peanuts spill out....
• Then there's my fat, obnoxious cousin, Roweena. When she walks through the living room, the radio skips.
  She says she just retains water, and I say, "So does the Hoover Dam." -- Jeff Foxworthy...
• I bet you have fun chasing the soap around the bathtub.
  -- Princess Diana, to a one-armed war veteran during a visit to a London veterans hospital...
• Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!