Related:

• I'd love to have my conk fixed. It's too big. -- Princess Diana
• What do you do if you find an epileptic in your bathtub? Throw in some soap and a load of laundry.
• HEALTH: Never go to the hospital or visit a doctor.
  If you have a stroke, keep drinking and act like you prefer to use only one side of your body....
• Dallas Cowboys Official Schedule Sept 14 Pasadena Junior High Sept 21 Boy Scout Troop 049 Sept 28 Blind Academy Sept 30 World War I Veterans Oct 5 Brownie Scout Troop 041 Oct 12 Sugarcreek High Cheerleaders Oct 26 St.
• Gentlemen, Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French force
  my officers have been diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H....
• Homer: This makes me special, Dad. Since I'm the one you kept, that must mean you really loved me.
  Grampa: Mm. Interesting theory. -- hospital visit, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?...
• Dear Mr. Seldes: I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement to which you allude
  but what I meant was that ... a man who calls himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot politically....
• Dear Mr. Seldes: I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement to which you allude
  but what I meant was that ... a man who calls himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot politically....
• I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.