Related:

• Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
  -- W. C. Field...
• I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W. C. Field
• You can't cheat an honest man, never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
  -- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee...
• A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. -- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
• Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed. -- W. C. Field
• On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. -- W. C. Fields' epitaph