Related:

• I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff. -- Bill Mahe
• When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD.
  Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea....
• I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.
  -- Bill Mahe...
• Kids--they're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex. -- Bill Mahe
• We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
  -- Bill Maher, comedian and commentator, 1995...
• When I was a kid, I was an imaginary playmate.
• Clerk: Sorry, the bank is-- oh, kid. Gosh, I'm sorry, I meant to tell you -- turns out Krusty is one of the biggest tax cheats in history, and they nailed him, all thanks to you.
  Some might say you're a hero, kid. Not me, however, I love Krusty....
• When I was a kid we downloaded at 300bps and ENJOYED it!
• When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl.
  He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me....