Related:

• My wife's not the worst cook in the world, but she keeps on burning the coffee.
  You would too if you kept pouring it through the toaster all the time. -- Jack E. Leonard...
• My wife doesn't give me any trouble anymore. She died.
  I had her cremated. I mixed in a little marijuana and smoked her....
• My wife loves ME, It's the computer she hates!
• I idolized my mother. I didn't realize she was a lousy cook until I went into the Army.
  -- Jackie Gayle...
• My mother...will be as pleased as Punch. Mmmm...if only she we're as _good-looking_ as Punch, Baldrick.
  .. -- Baldrick and Edmund : Captain Cook...
• I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps coming back.
• My wife drives like lightening... She strikes everything! -- Bumpersticke
• My wife has this one wonderful trait - she worships me!
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....