Related:

• Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Use the dollar as a bookmark. -- Fred Stolle
• I asked my mother for a mind of my own, but she said no.
• I once went for a job at one of the airlines. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her--it would be a great chance to meet men.
  I was honest about it! She looked at me and said, "But you can meet men anywhere....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• Monica: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories?
  [Digs her elbow into his hand] No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?...
• My mother made me a homosexual! If I send her the yarn, can she make me one too?
• I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life.
  I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber....
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
  -- Shirley Temple...