Related:

• They sent for me to come down to Washington in an airplane .
  .. Sure enough, no sooner I got on the plane they strapped me down....
• Translations from the Wife: "I don't know what you're talking about.
  / She knows exactly what you're talking about. "It isn't what you said, it's the way you said it....
• I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.
  She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on....
• I managed to say, "Sorry," and no more. I knew that he disliked me to cry.
  This time he said, watching me, "On some occasions it is better to weep....
• A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along at about fifty.
  Suddenly a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and told her to pull over....
• When you're dating you're so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me.
  I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died?...
• I went to a bookstore and I asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was.
  She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." -- Brian Kiley...
• I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any questio
  I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?...
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....