Related:

• When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
  -- Mark Twai...
• You always find things in the first place you look, but not the first time you look there.
• Abe: When I was young, toys were built to last. Look at this junk!
  [holds a toy rocket] It breaks the first time you take it out of the box....
• When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour.
  -- How do people in love typically behave? -- Wendy, age 8...
• The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it.
  The second time you look to see if the basement has termites....
• When Grandpa is told his flag only has 49 stars, he snaps, "It will be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missour-ah!
  When Missouri first wanted to enter the Union as a slave state, abolitionists at the time flatly refused to recognize Missouri as a state....
• The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
  -- Milo Bloom...
• The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. Schizophrenia is when you start getting answers.
• Rimmer: You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign of trouble, you always look out for Number One, you're vain, you're narcissistic and you're self-obsessed.
  Cat: Hey, you just listed all my best features! -- Red Dwarf 'White Hole'...