Related:

• Los Angeles is a great place. Where else can you smell the air and see it coming at you at the same time?
  You want to see blue water you have to look in the toilet bowl. -- Jackie Gayle...
• Anxiety, n.: The first time you can't do it a second time.
  Panic, n.: The second time you can't do it the first time....
• The Banana Principle: If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe.
  If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten....
• You may be redneck... if you buy a new house & have to remove the wheels.
• When you save for a long time to buy something, then you find that you can't afford it - that's inflation.
• Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a Cadillac so you can drive around and look for it.
• Murphy's Second Law for Husbands: The first time you go out after your wife's birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
  Corollary: If she's with you, she'll assume you chose it because it was cheap....
• You always find things in the first place you look, but not the first time you look there.