Related:

• The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence.
  .. sort of like the Post Office with tanks. -- Emo Philip...
• New York's such a wonderful city, but at the library the guy was very rude.
  I said I'd like a card. He said, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York....
• I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. -- Emo Philip
• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -- Emo Philip
• My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
  -- Emo Philip...
• Two words: nuclear fucking weapons. -- Denis Leary
• Making tomorrow's mistakes today!
• This guy comes over to my house and says, "I want to read your gas meter.
  I said, "Whatever happened to the classics?" -- Emo Philip...
• When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved.
  Why limit yourself?" I told them. -- Emo Philip...