Related:

• Hello and Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline ** If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
• Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone.
  If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number....
• Hello and Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline ** If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
  If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2....
• Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.
  If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now....
• Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1.
  For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so *we* certainly can't help you....
• copycenter n. [play on `copyright' and `copyleft'] 1.
  The copyright notice carried by the various flavors of freeware BSD....
• Please Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL].
• Please knock firmly on door. I like firm knockers.
• Never make an impromptu speech without advance warning, otherwise what you say isn't worth the paper it is printed on and will not be remembered or quoted.
  When Lincoln went to Gettysburg, he had 16 xeroxed copies of his envelope, to make sure the talk got press coverage....