Related:

• Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now.
  If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now....
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the United States War Department.
  At the tone, please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message with the name of the country you wish to invade....
• If I Only Had A Brain":) I might be in the shower, I might be gone for hours, I can't come to the phone.
  So, please leave your name and number, If I miss you it'd be a bummer, Leave your message at the tone....
• I am not home to talk to you, But please don't be a creep.
  Just leave your name and number, At the sound of the....
• Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1.
  For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so *we* certainly can't help you....
• I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
  If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone....
• Hi. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number.
  .. and after I've doctored the tape, your message will include bombing Tripoli....
• Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become eligible to leave a message!
  (Applause.) Join the lucky few that have advanced to the next level!...
• Answering machine message "Thank you for calling the [insert city name here] Opera Auditioning Hotline!
  At the tone, sing one of your favorite pieces, and leave a short message containing your name and phone number....