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• I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse." -- Emo Phillip
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillip...
• You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back. -- Emo Phillip
• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
  Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillip...
• I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy. -- Emo Phillip
• I was walking down the street, something caught my eye.
  ..and dragged it fifteen feet. -- Emo Phillip...
• People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" -- Emo Phillip