Related:

• I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
• I have such poor vision I can date anybody. -- Garry Shandling
• I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked a date yet?
  I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a country! -- Yakov Smirnoff...
• I was taking a course with Lionel Trilling and wrote a paper for him with an opening sentence that contained a parenthesis.
  He returned the paper with a wounding reprimand: "Never, never begin an essay with a parenthesis in the first sentence....
• Of course, if you wanted it to be, it could be, and there is nothing I could do about this...
• I love to cook! I love to eat! I hate to wash DISHES!
• The food that I like best- the food that makes me hungry just to think of- is very simple.
  When I cook I try never to get too far away from that kind of simplicity. -- Jeremiah Towe...
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
  -- Jack Handey...