Related:

• I visited an American supermarket. They have so many amazing products here.
  Like powder milk. You add water and you get milk....
• A Russian official came up to a factory worker and said, "If you drank a shot of vodka, could you still work?
  The worker said, "I think I could." The official said, "If you drank two shots of vodka, could you work?...
• I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house.
  And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. -- Yakov Smirnoff...
• I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own.
  One of them said, "So will you." -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers That your lectures bore people to death.
  Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year -- Don't you think that you should save your breath?...
• You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers That your lectures bore people to death.
  Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year -- Don't you think that you should save your breath?...
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
  -- Jack Handey...