Related:

• When turkeys mate, they think of swans. -- Johnny Carso
• Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. -- Writing Rule 40
• Never use one word when a dozen will suffice. -- Paul Herbig
• Never fear big long words. Big long words mean little things.
  All big things have little names, Such as life and death, peace and war, Or dawn, day, night, hope, love, home....
• Never marry a girl named "Marie" who used to be known as "Murray." -- Johnny Carso
• The difference between love and lust is that lust never costs over two hundred dollars.
  -- Johnny Carso...
• The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
  -- Johnny Carso...
• In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.
  -- Johnny Carso...
• Funnier than Johnny Carson, but then again, who isn't?