Related:

• The moral is: Never try to teach your parents anything.
• ALGOL 60 - Your father's wartime sweetheart, petite, well proportioned, and sweet tempered.
  She disappeared mysteriously during the war, but your dad still talks about her shapely form and their steamy romance....
• Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife. -- Franklin P. Adam
• Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls.
  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone....
• Anything works better on a pentium....try it, buy it!
• Murphy's Third Law for Husbands: The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.
• Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first. -- Billy Sunday
• Wiggum: Try to talk her out of there. [hands Homer a megaphone] But don't put your lips on it or anything.
  -- "Homer Alone...
• 1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it. 2) Never try anything bigger than your head.
  3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit....