Related:

• My ex-wife's a cat lover. I sent her a kzin for her birthday.
• My boyfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought him an atlas.
• I [] My Cat. I [] My Dog. (Would you [] my ex-wife ?)
• For my sister's 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh
• A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend.
• I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
• Burns: [grabbing paper] "Memorandum to Mrs. Bouvier, re
  Delineation of Romantic Intentions" -- pfft, too sappy....
• Patty: Hello, everybody except Homer. Jackie: [touching Maggie's nose] Happy birthday, granddaughter.
  Patty: Marge, I think that's your father-in-law across the street....
• I never know what to get my father for his birthday.
  I gave him a hundred dollars and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier....