Related:

• People talk about the middle of the road as though it were unacceptable.
  Actually, all human problems, excepting morals, come into the gray areas....
• I haven't lost my mind, it's in the gutter right where I left it!
• All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.
  -- Homer Simpson Bart on the Road...
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
  -- Excerpt from insurance form....
• Homer: Look Barney, see the row of tiny lights up there?
  The middle one is my house. Someone must've left the porch light on....
• They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
  That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money....
• I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
• When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. Whenever she was in a good mood, it turned blue.
  Whenever she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark in the middle of my forehead....