Related:

• The mark of a good party is that you wake up the next morning wanting to change your name and start a new life in different city.
  -- Vance Bourjaily, "Esquire...
• If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
  And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record....
• WAKE-UP ERECTION -- a morning thickness.
• A married man sho wants to conceal his drunken infidelities can easily wake up in the morning wondering who he's lying next to.
• Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy?
  Then you must be Snow White! -- David Fro...
• If you don't drink, when you wake up in the morning that's the best you're gonna feel all day.
  -- Martin Mull...
• The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
  -- Slappy White...
• Have you ever been in a restaurant and there's a couple in the next booth being overly affectionate?
  They're necking and groping and you're trying to eat your eggs....
• You know you've been hacking too long when... ...when you can't wake up in the morning because you forgot to push a return address on the stack the night before.