Related:

• I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lip
  I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips, My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here, But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir....
• Last night, I dreamed I held you in my arms.
  -- Bart, Romancing the Comic, "Three Men and a Comic Book...
• A group of soldiers being prepared for a practice landing on a tropical island were warned of the one danger the island held
  a poisonous snake that could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands....
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• Last week I saw a girl in a sweater so tight I could hardly breathe.
• I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of my fingers!
  What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes another!...
• Dear Lord: I just want a one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
• He held his arm too stiffly, and so was thrown back repeatedly, until at last I seized his forearm and snapped it back against itself.
  His training suffered while the arm healed, of course, but I felt this was a lesson he must learn early, and well....
• Why did you spend so much time parked in that fellow's car last night?
  demanded the irate mother. "I could hear the giggling and squealing for a good half hour....