Related:

• Homer: Woo hoo! I'm so glad to have my mom back. I never realized how much I missed her!
  Marge: [pause] She's nice. Homer: But...? Marge: I just don't think you should get too excited about the woman who abandoned you for 25 years....
• Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
  No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Marge: There's no place left to run, Bart. Hand it over.
  [he gives her a picture in a frame] Oh, Ba...
• Bart: [plaintive] Are you there, God? It's me, Bart Simpson.
  I know I never paid too much attention in church, but I could really use some of that good stuff now....
• Did you hear about the fellow who chased his girlfriend up a tree and kissed her between the limbs.
• Did you hear about the poor fellow whose unfortunate pissing trajectory earned him the nickname Tinkletoes.
• A fellow bought a new car, a Nissan, and was quite happy with his purchase.
  He was something of an animist, however, and felt that the car really ought to have a name....
• Did you hear about the real smart girl who could play post-office all night without getting any mail in her box.